It’s hard getting out up bed. It’s depressing just to wake up.
To know you hurt someone you love. To know you’re the scum of the earth. I hate myself to the very core of my being right now. The last thing I want to do I’ve done. How can I atone for this, I can’t think of anything that I don’t deserve to suffer right now.
i don’t want to sleep because I’m scared I’ll lose you a second time when I wake up. I’m terrified of what might have already happened. I feel so alone, like you’ve left me behind. I’m so angry that I feel this way. I hate how helpless I feel.
I always thought that when I feel these emotions I’d be able to channel it into something. Something artistic. Something creative. Something productive.
But I’m here… nothing. At the moment where I feel the worst I’ve felt in years I’m lost for words. I’m lost for action, I don’t know what the fuck to do. How am I suppose to be able to do anything not knowing where I am.